According to Christopher Ryan's Blog, "An Inconvenient Truth: Sexual Monogamy Kills Male Libido," men who are involved in sexually monogamous relationships have a significant drop in libido. Men that are involved with one partner will become bored over time. Even if they are married to the "hottest" female in the world. Human beings have evolved to be involved with several sexual partners. Men are structured by evolution to be intrigued by sexual uniqueness, and slowly lose interest in the same sexual partner over time.
If we look at some Arabian and Muslim cultures it is common for the males of power to have harems which are households supplied with a group of women sexual partners for one male. From a biological standpoint this makes sense, being that women are only able (on average unless twins are involved) to produce one offspring per year. Men have the capability to procreate as many times as possible per year if the opportunity is available. So by nature women are more likely to be monogamous while men may not be so faithful due to how they are designed biologically.
When researchers decided to look at this issue to develop a Sexual Boredom Scale they found that males tended to me more bored with the lack of sexual partners, where women's boredom derived from lack of variety of sexual activity. Women are more satisfied with the sexual "what" while men are more satisfied with the sexual "whom."
According to Christopher Ryan, Ph.D., having an understanding of why men behave on a psychological and biological level does not make it any easier to accept. "It's a simple, unavoidable truth almost everyone knows to be true, but few dare to discuss: variety and change are the necessary spice of the sex life of the male of our species."
Carl Jung wrote to his friend, Sigmund Freud, "The prerequisite for a good marriage, it seems to me, is the license to be unfaithful." (January 30th, 1910.)
From the research I've gather I'm feeling more and more at ease with my questions about men. It seems that almost all of the research I've done doesn't condone the behavior of infidelity, but explains it in a way that I can understand and even sympathize. Will communication help some marriages be more successful? Will some men not find that they are bored if their partner is willing to be more creative? Some articles even suggested that there is no true solid answer because some surveys that were conducted were not truthfully answered. I am becoming satisfied with my results, but still have questions of course. I still haven't found specifically when men cannot "control" their desire for variety. Is this a handicap or just a biological excuse?
Sources:
Inconvenient Truth on Monogamy
Harems
Coolidge effect
Who Destroys the Marriage
I feel that communication is the best thing in a relationship. If a couple in a relationship start getting an itch find an agreeable solution. There are a lot of options like a partner swap has been around for a long time or like you had mentioned pay for a service. My husband and I agreed that sometime in our marriage we might get the itch and we agreed that if it should ever come around we would plan a vacation with the kids, afterwards we will go home a couple and no one gets hurt. Honesty and understanding is the best policy in my opinion.
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