Wrapping It Up

After exploring the controversial issue of infidelity and it's significance to men I have concluded that biologically men are designed to have more than one partner. I believe that this is not an excuse to avoid having morals, but simply they're genetic make up is completely different from women. As I continue my research concerning infidelity I am unsure if any men stay faithful throughout all of their relationships. I still want to explore more research on biological explanations as to why women cheat. There seems to be all this scientific evidence that help us understand why men cheat, but when the idea of a woman cheating is brought up the answers lean more towards psychological and emotional reasons. 

I have not found an exact precise answer to my infamous question, "why do men cheat?" The more answers I receive the more doubt and questions I have. As I look toward the argument essay I am still thinking about how I am going to eloquently piece my paper together without sounding biased. I will most definitely be leaving out personal experiences and only addressing my general questions while associating them with my research findings. 

My thinking has evolved quite I bit. When I first started doing this research I was only concerned to find facts that would make men seem worse than they really are. I was completely biased and only seeking information on men. As I continued my research (especially when I read more on psychological factors as to why men commit infidelity/adultery) I began to realize that humans as a whole, women and men, fall less than "perfect." 

I haven't necessarily found satisfactory answers to my questions, but I have gained a new perspective and understanding to this very popular topic. The question that still lingers in my mind is if women should just accept infidelity and expect it to be apart of relationships? Should men/women just be more forgiving due to biological and psychological factors that seem to lead both genders to be unfaithful? 

I will want to argue that we all play a role in infidelity (based on my research.) Communication is key in all relationships. I'm not concluding that all men are going to cheat by any means. I am merely stating that based on evolution and the complicated make up of our species we are taking a risk in any relationship that the possibility of cheating is there. When choosing a partner, male or female, one might want to consider what they would do if in the event infidelity occurs. If this is something they think they can communicate, forgive, and work through then the relationship might be worth a try. On the other hand if one does not think they can accept this possibility with another they might want to reconsider long term commitment as this is not something we should all just "accept," but rather understand all humans are flawed. 

Monogamy and Libido

According to Christopher Ryan's Blog, "An Inconvenient Truth: Sexual Monogamy Kills Male Libido," men who are involved in sexually monogamous relationships have a significant drop in libido. Men that are involved with one partner will become bored over time. Even if they are married to the "hottest" female in the world. Human beings have evolved to be involved with several sexual partners. Men are structured by evolution to be intrigued by sexual uniqueness, and slowly lose interest in the same sexual partner over time. 


If we look at some Arabian and Muslim cultures it is common for the males of power to have harems which are households supplied with a group of women sexual partners for one male. From a biological standpoint  this makes sense, being that women are only able (on average unless twins are involved) to produce one offspring per year. Men have the capability to procreate as many times as possible per year if the opportunity is available. So by nature women are more likely to be monogamous while men may not be so faithful due to how they are designed biologically. 


When researchers decided to look at this issue to develop a Sexual Boredom Scale they found that males tended to me more bored with the lack of sexual partners, where women's boredom derived from lack of variety of sexual activity. Women are more satisfied with the sexual "what" while men are more satisfied with the sexual "whom." 


According to Christopher Ryan, Ph.D., having an understanding of why men behave on a psychological and biological level does not make it any easier to accept. "It's a simple, unavoidable truth almost everyone knows to be true, but few dare to discuss: variety and change are the necessary spice of the sex life of the male of our species." 


Carl Jung wrote to his friend, Sigmund Freud, "The prerequisite for a good marriage, it seems to me, is the license to be unfaithful." (January 30th, 1910.)


From the research I've gather I'm feeling more and more at ease with my questions about men. It seems that almost all of the research I've done doesn't condone the behavior of infidelity, but explains it in a way that I can understand and even sympathize. Will communication help some marriages be more successful? Will some men not find that they are bored if their partner is willing to be more creative? Some articles even suggested that there is no true solid answer because some surveys that were conducted were not truthfully answered. I am becoming satisfied with my results, but still have questions of course. I still haven't found specifically when men cannot "control" their desire for variety. Is this a handicap or just a biological excuse? 


Sources:

Inconvenient Truth on Monogamy

Harems

Coolidge effect 

Who Destroys the Marriage 

More Research on Infidelity

Both males and females want to each contribute to the growth of their species by seeking out "high quality" mates. Evolutionary psychologists suggest that men are typically more likely to cheat on their wives, because of man's urge to "spread genes" through their sperm.

Men are more driven to be unfaithful by the lure of sex, and women due to lack of emotional intimacy. Over the years the percentage of cheating women is becoming greater. As women become more financially stable, and become less dependent on men, women are finding it easier to be anonymous. Thus, the convenience of cheating is more acceptable to some women. Still, in 2006 surveys showed that 90 percent of Americans view extramarital sex as unacceptable behaviour.

The area of the brain dedicated to sex is three times larger in men than in woman. According to Psychologist Sophie Rinaldi, there are not only biological reasons as to why infidelity is common in men, but there are also several psychological reasons as well. One common result of infidelity is that of men who suffered trauma as young children. This trauma experienced by men occurs generally within the relationship between mother and son when they did not receive the wanted love/affection from their mothers. This can lead to men seeking out this love/attention in every woman they come across in order to fill this void from their childhood. When these traumas are combined with sexual instinct a "Don-Juan" type personality develops, which is an on going journey, searching for something unknown to himself, unable to maintain healthy relationships for fear of suffering the same pain he felt as a child.

Men can also feel unsure of their masculinity- Resulting in them seeking to be reassured with another female. When men feel manipulated or talked down to they can feel a sense of "lost power"." They strive to regain this power through engaging in sexual acts of the "unknown." According to Psychologist Sophia Rinaldi, Sex means validation-of masculinity, of the seduction force, sex means power.

I still feel that based on the research that I have done that most of the evidence (be it biological or psychological) is being justified. I'm starting to think that acceptance is the key to relationships. I am trying to keep an open mind through this process. The more research I do I can understand why men are not as monogamous as women, but by no means do I believe women are perfect. It's amazing to me to learn just how many women are cheaters as well. Here all this time I thought it was just men. Sorry guys. I buy the psychological explanations. I'm not sure I buy the biological explanations. Which is why much more research is required for this topic. Why wouldn't it be a valid excuse for women to cheat as well due to the fact that they would like to have several "high quality mates?" The more I think about it the more I like the idea of having several different little Brad Pits and Ben Aflecks running around. I'm curious to hear some feedback on what others think about this topic. If anyone else has some reliable research sources it would be appreciated.







Cited works below.
Why Men Cheat
The Biology and Psychology of Cheating

Infidelity: Continued

Perhaps Biologically males are designed to not be monogamous. They produce close to 400 billion sperm in their lifetime. In comparison to women who produce 1 to 2 million eggs in their life time. It would make sense for a man to be engineered to sleep with several women not out of narcissism, but to procreate. "Survival of the fittest," in evolution, is one characteristic that involves males being able to procreate. If you are not able to replicate your species you are considered a weak link. In early societies polygamy wasn't uncommon due to increase of agriculture (more options.)

I figured Harvard.edu and Time Magazine were two good sources to start my research. I felt that reputable and capable people with years of experience would be providing helpful information on these sites. I have only become more confused.

According to the New York Times article, "Infidelity Comes Out of the Closet" by Joseph Hooper: "A highly regarded 1994 University of Chicago survey, Sex in America, conservatively put the figure at 25 percent for men, 12 percent for women. But whatever the actual incidence, most experts think it is unlikely that infidelity is more popular today than it was in the 1950's and 1960's, when men often enjoyed the advantages of a sexual double standard, or in the swinging 70's, when open marriage had its vogue. But if psychologists and therapists have anything to say about it, we are entering a Golden Age of thinking about infidelity."

So maybe infidelity wasn't as taboo as I thought it was 50 years ago. Maybe it just wasn't talked about as much. It seems that men in positions of power seem to be getting caught more often with their hand in the cookie jar than those that are not in positions of power. Maybe men not in positions of power just don't cheat as often. Maybe they go unnoticed. Perhaps I should broaden my research and not just attack males, but try to understand why human beings, male and female cheat. Perhaps there is a scientific explanation as to why both genders can be unfaithful.

Cited Sources:

Evolution of monogamous marriage by maximization of inclusive fitness. 

Infidelity Come Out of the Closet. 

Is Infidelity a Reality Women Should Just Accept?

Personally, I have been the victim of infidelity more times than not. But am I really a victim or is it just a fact of life that I need to accept? Do all men really cheat at one point or another? Or, are there some men that are able to withstand the temptations that are involved with our sexually charged culture? I feel that most men, if not all men, will cheat at some point in their long term relationships/marriages. Those men that say that they would "never cheat" is amusing to me. I'm guessing that the men that do not cheat are most likely not experiencing much opportunity. I'm curious to know if there are men that have never cheated even when the temptation was quite severe? Then again, I do not believe that the statistics would be accurate. How do we really know for certain that these men were telling the truth when being questioned? We don't. With that said; is it fair to judge all men, and assume they will cheat regardless of what they tell us as women based on what statistics and personal experiences have lead us to believe?

 

I want to know why it is that certain men cheat even when it seems that they have the perfect spouse?

I was amazed to read in a book titled, Infidelity: Exploding the Myths, by Julia Hartley Moore, that there were a lot of women who were okay with their significant others visiting escorts/prostitutes. She explains in her book that most women felt it was fine because their is no emotional connection, but merely  a business transaction. I have to be honest that I felt relieved to discover that I am not the only woman who feels this way. I would prefer that the man I choose to be with be honest, and not cheat on me at all. But I feel that this exists only in a perfect world. I feel it is cheaper to see a call girl for a few hours than spend countless amounts of energy, money, and time for a divorce over a silly affair. 

I think I will be researching reliable statistics in the future about this topic. I will research and see if Harvard has done any lengthy studies regarding infidelity, and the reason why men feel it necessary to have one main partner but several flings on the side. 

Are most men just "convenient" cheaters? Meaning they don't necessarily go out looking to cheat with someone, but they find it hard to resist when the temptations/opportunities present themselves. I'm curious to know what is considered "cheating" in our society today? Let's face it. We do not live in a conservative culture like the one that existed fifty plus years ago. The things that were considered "taboo" years ago are now considered "normal" today. I have heard from several people that there are many "levels" of cheating. Some people feel flirting is cheating. Some feel kissing is cheating. Others feel that engaging in longer conversations with emotional feelings attached to be cheating. Why do we as women/men feel ownership over our partners? Do men cheat more than women? Are men biologically designed to cheat? If they are, should women feel upset or just accept it?